I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
