What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
