Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
