How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
