do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
