I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
