I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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