I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
