He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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