I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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