i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
