I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
