she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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