As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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