that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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