Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
