Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize