My nipple is on Facebook.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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