I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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