you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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