Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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