Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
