Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
