the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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