Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
