pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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