Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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