im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
