the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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