Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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