Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
