I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The air was thick with penises
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
