I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
