My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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