There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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