Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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