My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
