only if we run a train.
done.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
