i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
