My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
false alarm, still single
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
