That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
