I just saw a hot homeless man
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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