it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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