You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
