Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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