i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
