My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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