and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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