A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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