perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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