Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
