I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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