I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
