Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
