she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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