It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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