are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I came so hard my ears popped.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
