Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
