Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this hospital has no fireball
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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