Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
