Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
