BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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