yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
