So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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