I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
