It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
