What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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