you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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