No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
